On Creativity & Self Protection

We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We're spiritual beings having a human experience.  -- Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

I want to talk to you about shields, Latin, and the nature of creativity.

I wrote a post about becoming aware of a deep Want of mine: to feel limitless in my creativity. Have you ever heard the saying, 'you have to name it, to claim it?' I do find it empowering to name my Want, yes. In fact, I recommend it! But, while I've been "claiming" mine - acting upon it with intention - I've encountered a layer of "spiritual grime" that's built up within me.

This is where shields come in. I'm talking battle shields.

Picture Roman, Viking, Medieval, Chinese armor, whatever you fancy. Oblong, rectangular, or circular, I'd like you picture these shields grouped together to make an impervious surface. No painful arrows are going to penetrate that surface. The goal is Protection, with a capital "P."

Since I mentioned Romans, I’ll point out that the Latin word, "creo," means to create, make.

Verb

• I create, make, produce.
• I beget, give birth to.
• I prepare, cause.
• I choose.

Here's where I pull all this together. I agree, wholeheartedly, with Pierre Teilhard de Chardin.

I believe we all originate from All That Is, that boundless state of eternal awareness and wholeness. In human form, we each get to experience individuality, the alchemy of creation, and the nature of free will in tangible ways: senses and feelings, actions and reactions, choices and consequences.

While inhabiting this divine Lab of Creation & Materiality, wielding our choices, we get hit by some arrows.

Heck, we launch a bunch, too. Arrows = hurt, pain, loss, shame, sadness. We might notice a pattern of where arrows have come from, and then we create stories about those patterns.

“Every time I speak up, I get knocked down.”

“I’m not worthy unless I can show achievement.”

“Whenever I love someone, they abandon me.”

Somewhere in all this drama, we learn about these nifty shield things for protection!

Make this “blocker” against those arrows, and they won’t hurt so much.

Now we’re talking! Sure, it’s a little “shadier” under the shield, and your view is a bit blocked, but, hey, those arrows are peskily painful.

Oh, hey!

Incoming, new arrows! Quick, make another shield for that exposed flank you got there…!

Do you see where this is going? Pretty soon, all you’re going to see is the underside of your protective blockers.

Remember the whole CREO thing? You’re not here to only view life from the grimy underbelly of your shielding. Life is an act of creation, moment to moment, bursting with possibility, joy, variability, thrills, chills, highs, lows. It is essentially powerful and bright, and so are you.

Back to my spiritual grime.

A big shield in my personal arsenal has been, “You must show achievement, results!” to be worthy of respect and acceptance. Under the shade of this arrow-blocker, I made choices for years that were colored by my story that “If I’m not financially successful, it’s because I’m not doing enough/smart enough to achieve it.”

Do, do, do. Go, go, go. Research it. Analyze it. Figure it out! And, if and when I encountered a failure, a disappointment, a painful, oh-jeezus-that-was-awful-I-never-want-that-again consequence to a choice of mine or an event, it must be my fault because I didn't have enough padding for my shielding. So, I added more.

You can guess what happened, can’t you?

My shielding ended up bottle-necking my connection to my essential self. Yep, the Me that came from All That Is was camping out under the canopy of my protective Blockers. I started believing that what’s possible to create is only what can fit under that shade.

I’ve believed I can’t act on my creativity without conceiving plans for its outcomes to justify it.

• I’m creative, in service to producing plays and films.
• I’m artistic, in service to working with writers and filmmakers.
• I’m a storyteller, in service to showing others how to tap into their own voices and stories.

These feel true to me, but they're also cop-outs.

I’ve come to see by limiting myself to only the outcomes I can see from under my shielding that I’m not embracing the fullness of my inner creatrix.

I believe I come from limitless loving creativity, and I’m here as a human to experience this inherent ability on Earth. I don't have to have it all figured out in my mind first. 

I’m ready to drop my shields and trust I can take what arrows may come. I'm an artist, and I don't know where that is going. But, I'm ready to be fully present in the light of All That Can Be.

I’m a spirit having a human existence, and I’m a divine, creative dynamo.

So are you.

Your Environment's Role In Your Life

I want to talk to you today about the storytelling concept of Setting - the environment your Hero-self exists in.

Setting saturates a story with mood, meaning, and thematic connotations. Broadly defined, setting includes the region, geography, climate, neighborhood, buildings, and interiors related to a story. It also suggests passage of time (source: Courtney Carpenter, Writers Digest).

I had an A Ha! Moment this week about how my Setting affects me, and it came as a ‘D’oh!’ (said in my best Homer Simpson imitation).

I’ve been feeling really shitty lately. Despite all my awareness and efforts to live in balance with my depression and its Best Friend, Anxiety, I’ve been having a couple crappy days. Days of feeling lost, panicky, and finally, on the edge of hopeless. Restless nights of heavy, looping thoughts that will NOT stop, even when I mentally run through all the words I can think of that start with the letter M. Then S. Then… you get the idea.

When these “storm fronts” roll in, I hate it. It’s like being dropped back into a pit that I’ve spent so many years teaching myself how to climb out of and avoid.

So, I made myself meet up with a dear neighborhood friend to take a walk outside and get out of my head. During our trek over icy sidewalks and through steep snow-banks, she asked me if I had Seasonal Affective Disorder.  

No. No, I don’t think so… I love living where there are four seasons.

Wait. It’s almost February. February has been hard for me before… ‘D’Oh!’

Over the many chapters of my life, I’ve never registered a strong connection between seasons and my equilibrium. I don’t know enough about SAD to claim it for myself, but my current “storm front” coincides with a similar bout two winters ago. Hm.

What does all this have to do with Setting?

Authors know that Setting reflects and helps shape their Hero’s story. The Hero’s environment can amplify her emotional state and her struggle, as well as her competencies and accomplishments.

Ever hear someone say, ‘She’s in her element?’ or, “She’s running with a bad crowd?”

A Ha! Winter, apparently, is not a great season for my Hero to feel totally “in her element.”

Duly noted.

Wearing my Author hat, I recognize that I have choices I can make about the environment my Hero is experiencing. For me, personally, that doesn’t mean I plan to move away from the Great North. But, with an awareness that deep Winter seems to throw my Hero into a depressive tizzy, I can seek and find ways to lessen the impact.

How about you? Is there an aspect of your Setting that’s knocking your Hero down for the count?

What changes can your Author-Self make to your life story's Setting?

Take a moment to consider your physical environment, work environment, circles of friends or colleagues. Your commute, your locale? Even your ancestral influences (In our family/culture, X has always been done this way…)?

Can you move? Change neighborhoods? Surround your Hero more with beauty, or supporting friends, or a better work environment? What about exploring ways to bolster or buffer your Hero’s experience within a Setting (like me, with deep Winter)? More ideas: play with feng shui in your personal spaces, disengage from negative peers, break up your routine...

Me, I’m going to look out for mood-boosting opportunities to take photos outside - go on a treasure hunt for beauty during cold, grey days. And, if and when I feel too shitty to do this, I’m gonna be patient and kind with myself, because the Author in me knows the “storm front” will pass.

Transitions, Patterns, & Mean Bus Drivers

Staircase image by @mel_iiii via Twenty20

The word, TRANSITION, might make you brace for being drop-kicked into an unfamiliar situation with the stresses that accompany a pivot event like that.

On the other hand, a transition can come about from a long-brewing pattern that needs resolution for you to ease into a better gear to keep moving forward.

The last couple years, I've been viewing my life as an epic story, to get insight and perspective about my path and purpose. While doing so, I've been slowly piecing together a pattern that's lurked through decades of my life, and it's prompting a personal transition.

When I first conceived an About Sentence for my life as a story, the Hero Description I embraced for it was Compulsive Creative: Lorie is a story about a Compulsive Creative... That description totally fit me in the present, as well as over a loooong time. It felt authentic, because everything IS a creative expression for me.

But, with that description as a baseline, I began getting another layer of insight about my Hero Description. Yes, I'm Creative, definitely. But, the secret is, deep down... I feel I am an Artist.

Creative. Artist. What's the big diff?

'I am an Artist' is a HUGE assertion for me, filled with trepidation. The reason why starts with a story about a mean driver on my elementary schoolbus...

How Is Theme Coloring Your Life?

Authors know that Theme, or Point of View, colors all aspects of their stories. Consider Theme to be like a frame through which Authors perceive and present what unfolds for their Heroes: it is a filter, a lens.

“I hold that Theme also applies to our real-life experiences. Wittingly, or unwittingly, your Theme affects the events, people, and circumstances that your Hero-self experiences - so YOU can process all aspects of it over time. In doing so, you have the opportunity to become a fuller expression of yourself.”

Are you familiar with the common expression, “Is the glass half-full or half-empty?” Depending on your answer, folks may assume your worldview is generally optimistic or pessimistic. This means that given the same facts of an event, a Half-Full person will have one story to tell, and a Half-Empty person will have a different story.

I share this example to illustrate how a point of view, a filter, influences a Hero's perception of things unfolding in her life.

There's another function of Theme. In stories about transformation, there is an arc: a progression unfolds along the Theme. We typically witness the Hero suffer on one side of the thematic coin, struggle to change, and ultimately fail or grow after experiencing the other side of the coin. 

Ever heard the phrase, "Your vibe attracts your tribe?"

Let's look more closely at this concept by talking about George Bailey, the Hero in the story, "It's A Wonderful Life."

How would you describe the Theme of this story?

George Bailey lives in a small town where his father runs a local business. All George wants is to leave the town and "see the world!" Over the course of the story, you guessed it, he keeps getting blocked from ever leaving. At his lowest point, he has had so many obstacles and disappointments that he considers drowning himself.

Let's say that the Author of George's story chose Sacrifice as a Theme.

“If you’re not sure how to describe a main theme for your Hero, take a look at the message your Antagonist, or Villain, has for you. In George’s case, it’s his town’s misanthropic businessman, Mr. Potter. Every time Mr. Potter talks about or to George, his message to him is ‘you’re a nobody, you can’t get what YOU want, your wants are hopeless.’ In other words, to keep beating his villain, George will have to keep sacrificing what he wants.”

Looking at the events and people that unfold and play in George's life, under this thematic umbrella of Sacrifice, observe these mini-themes he comes to realize/overcome/accept in his life:

• Missed opportunities
• Compromise
• Adaptability
• Desperation
• Silver Linings
• Community
• Accepting help from others
• Valuing himself

By the end of the story, George comes to view his sacrifices in a new, empowering light: he sees the positive ripple effect his choices have had, and he embraces others' sacrifices to help him when he's in need.

What if the Author chose Redemption as a Theme, instead of Sacrifice?

If Redemption colored his story, the events and people that keep George from ever leaving his town would be more of his own doing. Mr. Potter's messages to George would be more about his culpability and unforgivable-ness, right? 'You're a screw-up, a criminal. You always make things worse. You'll never do the right thing.'

In this case, instead of coming to a place of considering suicide, perhaps George would come to consider the most desperate, irredeemable act he could imagine to relieve his desperation: a crime, a betrayal, an abandonment.

Mini-themes to unfold might look more like this:

• Missed opportunities
• Irresponsibility
• Ambition
• Selfishness
• Laying blame
• Creativity
• Integrity
• Community
• Forgiveness

These two examples demonstrate how Theme frames the events and choices that George, the Hero, might encounter. He's still George, a guy who lives in a small town who wants to see the world. But, the details along the path to what he wants are colored by the Author's theme for his story.

So, you. You're the Hero of your story AND the Author. With your Author hat on, you can step back and examine what filters you're bringing to your life experiences.

If you uncover that you're programming your story with a Theme that's bringing out the worst in you too often, experiment with reframing it. 

Start with this. Dig in and ask what is the "mean message" you get from people (or yourself) that feel like villains?

A black cloud always follows you. You're not smart. You're too slow. Nobody will love you. You can't do anything right. You're not my equal. You can't leave me.  

Now, what is a word or phrase that is the TOTAL OPPOSITE of that "mean message?" 

Sunshine & Silver Linings, That's Me. I'm A Smart Cookie. My Pace Allows Me To Do Stuff With My Best Effort. I Am So Loved. I Do Things Well With Focus & Ability. I Deserve Respect. I Deserve Independence.

Between the "mean message" and its opposite, is there a word that describes a Point of View behind them?

A life-long theme for me is Constancy. I've gotten insights before about being here for Patience, but my understanding of this has evolved. 

Over the course of your life, imagine your story is a series of books, not just one. Within each book, you'll have chapters with sub-themes that contribute to your understanding of your story. From Book One to Book Ten, the theme in the first one might be Inspiration, and in the tenth one it might be Constancy in Service to Inspiration.

In my case, I've had difficult chapters with the following titles:

• Too Many Choices
• Talented, But Not Successful
• Overwhelm
• Can't Do This on my Own

As I've struggled through these, I've come to understand the necessity and value of Constancy as a core theme for me -- which enables me to make choices going forward that foster my personal growth, not stymie it. I choose to color my experiences through this filter - not lenses such as, "I never finish anything. I can't stick with something, because I always get bored. I can't decide what to do, or which path to pursue..." because I choose improvement and growth for my Hero self.

How about you? As the Author of your life story, what Theme do you want coloring your Hero's experiences?