“Gardeners, I think, dream bigger dreams than emperors.” Mary Cantwell
We're All Storytellers
Storytellers aren't only writers and performers. Any time anybody shares an experience of theirs with others, that's a story. Plus, the real kicker is, even if we don't ever say a word to anyone else, our minds create stories all day, every day, about our experiences.
In this 5-minute video, I talk about what I mean when I say all of us are storytellers, and why acknowledging this is helpful for living with intention.
Pillars of Storytelling for Personal Growth
After reading hundreds of screenplays, I can tell you five categories - pillars of storytelling - that readers look for in every story, no matter its format. What are they, and what do they have to do with personal growth? I'm glad you ask...
Hello, hello. In this 5-minute video, I share with you how I've come to know the 5 pillars of storytelling, and how I came to view them as guideposts for evaluating my own life story.
Why Aren't You Getting What You Want?
You've figured out something you truly want, and you've set your intention to bring it to fruition. So, why is it now that every Not-That-Something is popping up to resist your Want?
You've figured out something you truly want. It took self-awareness and focus to clarify it, and you've set your intention to bring this Want to fruition. So, why is it now that every Not-That-Something is popping up to resist your Want?
Because, it's part of the story! Conflict is the engine that propels forth the Hero, and he is changed by experiencing a full spectrum of his Want, including its opposite.
I believe the same holds true for us all in our daily lives. We have our Wants, and we learn more about them and ourselves as we clear obstacles to them.
But, most of us don't expect to slam into an internal wall of Resistance.
CASE STUDY
I've been wrestling with my own resistance as I've been creating the content for my online course. My story has two combatants: the Task Master and the Lizard Brain. The Task Master (TM) is my "should monster." It's that voice in my head that constantly plans, tracks, and critiques every moment. The Lizard Brain (LB) is focused on primal survival and quelling emotional crises.
“The lizard brain is the reason you're afraid, the reason you don't do all the art you can, the reason you don't ship when you can. The lizard brain is the source of the resistance.” ~ Seth Godin
Since I'm creating something new, I don't have a clear path to follow. Every step forward is in faith that there's actually something solid enough to land on. When there isn't, I must step back and try another footfall elsewhere.
This creation process is triggering my "fight or flight" Lizard Brain, big time.
"Where will this step take me? Why didn't we stay in our familiar, safe cave? I'm hungry. I gotta pee. This path is hard; I hate it. Stop now." ~ Lizard Brain
The Task Master is very impatient with all this reactive boo hoo hoo.
LB panics, "MUST SHUT DOWN. Never can think straight in the early a.m. ESCAPE stress of cloudy thoughts. CLOSE EYES."
TM retorts, “You’re gonna waste the morning again!”
“I’ll be able to think clearly once I wake back up.”
"No, no, no. You've got work to do! Get out of the house!"
"Just 20 minutes. Okay, 45 minutes," says LB.
"LOSER. Go ahead and give up. You suck." harangues the TM.
When I get back up, I do think more clearly; but, my TM is vexed with my "weakness" and how my LB sacrificed time that could've been spent doing something "productive." This recrimination colors the rest of my day, and sometimes even triggers LB again.
The question is, what is my story about this resistance? Is it that my Lizard Brain and Task Master are at war, that I am weak to give in to my Lizard Brain like I have, or something else?
Does one story shed a clearer light on where I need to grow than the others?
I like the definition of resistance for exercise: a form of training in which you're working against some type of force that "resists" your movement to build muscle strength, endurance, and size. Think, weights, water exercise, using those giant rubber bands and so on.
As in Resistance Training, I want to choose a story about my resistance that enables me to strengthen my resolve and stamina to bring my Want to fruition.
If I stick with the story that I am weak to give in to my Lizard Brain, then I'm choosing a story that keeps me failing myself. Instead, if I realize that my LB and TM are feeding off each other in a warring circle, I can take action on this story and mediate a truce!
The kicker is, to truly build my endurance and strength, I know I'll have to keep "lifting those weights" of my resistance periodically.
Even though I can fantasize that I've mastered my resistance with one insightful effort, and now my Want will magically be freely attainable -- that hasn't been my experience in my life so far. What I'm saying is, choose a story about YOUR resistance that enables you to take action on it, but don't think you're "doing it wrong" as you repeatedly encounter it. You're building your strength and stamina. It's all good.
Evidently, I need "resistance training" with quieting the fears in myself. Between the anxiety my Task Master brings to the table and the depressive, shut-down reactions my Lizard Brain bring, I have a balancing act to keep improving!
So, what's your story about what's pushing back at you?
Life Is Not What Happens to You
Are you taking an active role in your own life, or are you just living day to day with people and events that happen to you? It's time to view yourself in Hero-mode.
Life is like a story, and you are the main character, the Hero. Or, are you?
Are you taking an active role in your own life, or are you just living day to day with people and events that happen to you? When things happen, that's called Plot. But, when the Hero takes action on something he wants, that's what drives a story - and his personal growth.
Why do you care about Story versus Plot? Because our stories have power. Telling stories about our experiences amplifies the energy behind them every time we tell them.
So, let's say you have my rapt attention, and this is a story that you tell me:
I woke up this morning.
A happened to me.
B showed up unexpectedly, and I reacted.
C said something to me.
Traffic delayed me, and I was late for D.
E happened.
I went to sleep.
Do you notice something about this list? Yep, it reads like a list of Plot Points. There you were, and these things happened to you. Some were maybe good things, some bad. But, is the energy behind this list something you want to amplify - that Things Happen to You?
Nothing in the list above reads like it's a story underscored by anything you want for yourself. In it, you're not driving any of the action. And, you know what?
You can drive action (or deliberate inaction) in your life, if you've identified what you want.
That's where thinking of yourself as the Hero in your life's story can help.
Do you know the story, "The Jungle Book" by Rudyard Kipling? In it, a young boy, Mowgli, has grown up in the jungle with a pack of wolves as his family. When his and the pack's safety are threatened by the return of Shere Kahn, the tiger, his animal family decides Mowgli must go live in the Man village. But, that's not what Mowgli, the Hero, wants. He wants to stay in the jungle.
Over the next couple days, Mowgli is nearly trampled by a herd of elephants, almost constricted to death by the python Kaa, kidnapped by monkeys for King Louie, the crazy orangutan, and stalked by Shere Kahn, who wants to kill him.
Talk about Plot Points!
Mowgli keeps taking action toward his want, and here's the twister: Things Happen to Him because of his actions. But, every Thing That Happens to Mowgli shapes his pursuit and understanding of what he wants.
Mowgli wants to stay in the jungle, the home with the only family he's ever known.
Oh ho! Did you catch that? Our Hero has an overt want - to stay in the jungle - AND an underlying want - to stay with the only family he's ever known.
This is classic storytelling by Kipling. And, you can use it to your advantage in your life.
Our Hero wants X in order to Y.
Let's get back to you. I could ask, 'What do you want?' and you could say, "I want a million dollars."
Alrighty. But, do you think this want is active enough for all your days as the Hero in your life story?
Maybe.
I think it's likely you'd spend a lot of time running around like a chicken with your head cut off, reacting to every possibility of having a million dollars. Lottery tickets! That job! That other job! No, no, that investment! Oooh, this guy is killing it playing videos on YouTube!
Overwhelm much?
Plus, if and when you didn't win the lottery, get that job, make money from that investment, or "kill it" playing videos, the failure would be something that Happened to You without advancing you toward what you want.
Wanting a million dollars is your intention; what is your motivation? You WANT a million dollars IN ORDER TO what?
This question is deceptively simple. You might say, "I want a million dollars in order to leave my job."
Okay, good. Then I'd say back to you, 'You want to leave your job in order to what?'
"In order to do what I want."
'And, that is...?'
Gah! Ummm...
Keep asking yourself. Keep digging. Many times, digging into the whys will help you further clarify your wants.
And, why again?
Because your stories about yourself, your day, what you want, and why you want it have POWER.
Unlike Mowgli, a fictional character, you can step back from your day-to-day Hero mode and put on your Author hat instead. Look at yourself from an Author's distance, and examine what motivates your Hero (you). After you've identified your underlying motivation, you can take off the Author hat and use that insight to make more active choices in your day-to-day Hero life.
Try on different whys. Brainstorm and list answers willy-nilly. Record thoughts on your mobile phone. Bounce ideas with a friend.
List things you've done in the past to get what you wanted. Is there a pattern to discern? Have you always been keen to: help others be healthy, foster acceptance of others, create understanding where there's confusion, defend the powerless, embrace and promote self-love...?
It may take some time to uncover your primary motivation. And, yes, wants and whys can change over time. Absolutely.
But, if you feel that Life is happening to you like a list of Plot Points, keep asking, 'I want what in order to what?'
Let's take another look at the opening story as if it were mine. When I put on my Author hat, I've determined that my Hero (me) wants to make art that reaches people in order to feel like she's serving others with her gifts.
I woke up this morning. -- I only hit the Snooze button twice. Progress! I'm such a night person, I'm just not sleepy before midnight. Plus, I get a second wind of creativity at night...
A happened. -- When I checked email this morning, I saw that I had 10 new subscriptions for my email list - Yay! But, Ack! too. I've gotta keep up with my content goals.
B showed up unexpectedly, and I reacted. -- I really wanted to dive in to writing some notes right then and there, but the Kiddo came back from her friend's house early and announced she's bored. Why must I always be Cruise Director? I say, 'Boredom during childhood is character building. Go read a book.' and try to go back to my train of thought. (Ten minutes later, I reconsider and decide to ask the Kiddo to go outside with me to pick tomatoes for our lunch.)
C said something to me. -- Husband called to remind me he was going to the gym after work. He'll get his own dinner. Good, take that off the list!
Traffic delayed me, and I was late for D. -- I was late getting the Kiddo to swimming class, because there was traffic I didn't expect. I cut it too close, though, too. I really wanted to finish creating an image before we left. Not quite.
E happened. -- So, I'm watching the Kiddo in the pool kicking away - she's a fish, really - and, bam! This idea about flow came to me. I feel like I'd been forcing things a bit earlier in the day, but here I was, surrounded by noise, splashing, and excited kids, and I had an unexpected "a ha moment." I wrote a note on the back of an envelope in my purse, so I wouldn't forget it.
I went to sleep at my usual hour, midnight. I finished creating a new draft, though. I'll sleep on it and look it over with fresh eyes tomorrow.
Given my what and why, I actively choose to frame my perception of things that happen during the day in service to my intention and motivation, and that framing informs my stories.
In my story about my day above, I wanted to amplify the energies behind creating new content to serve a growing audience and making time for my Kiddo when plans suddenly changed.
So, how about you?
Ready to move beyond Things-That-Happen-to-You stories to Things That Happen to You Help You Clarify Your Wants and Whys stories?
Awesome! Hit me with some wants and whys in the comments!