Living With Big Dreams
Image Copyright Lorie Marsh 2021
“Gardeners, I think, are bigger dreamers than emperors.”
This quote fits me. Over my life so far, I’ve followed many Big Dreams: living overseas, moving multiple times across the US, co-founding a startup software company, working in theater and independent film, co-founding a production company, becoming a mom, designing multi-platform IPs, becoming competent at photography and photo editing, founding a paper goods startup, selling at art/craft shows, oh, and exploring/executing permaculture solutions and designing organic gardens.
On one hand, I’m very proud of myself. On the other, I have felt exhausted, demoralized, and fed up at times. Big dreams can feel inspiring… and heavy.
Can you relate?
That’s why I’ve always turned to gardening to ground myself. Out in the dirt and the weather, with the bugs and the critters, I am reminded of simple pleasures: popping cherry tomatoes into my mouth, the vibrancy of intense fuschia-colored peonies and Oriental poppies blooming together, the smell of lilacs, fresh mulch, and roses.
As a gardener, one is never “finished,” right? I mean, I’ve had a plan that I’ve executed (and, it took me 7-8 years to afford it all), yes. But, season to season, I’m still met with a new wrinkle, problem, or inspiration. In the garden, plants mature and crowd out others. Trees grow taller, extending roots and shade. The last five years, especially, the weather has had its own tantrums with polar vortexes, dry Winters, extra soggy Springs, and “heat dome” effects in Summers. Plants have died.
I find this aspect of gardening like Life Dreams. Some folks are motivated by a singular dream; I admire that. Consider theirs to be like minimalistic garden designs with clean lines and a focused palette. Me, I dream in Technicolor, multi-function, large swathes of space. And, then I wake up one day and discover a new corner I didn’t see before. And, the next day, another one.
Gardening has taught me that plants die. Due to poor siting, ignorance, weather, foot traffic, weather weirdness, or simply, their life cycle. My experience is I’ve had dreams die, too. Long-held dreams and aspirations and Herculean efforts to bring them to fruition that just never took off, or they puttered into oblivion. And, I mourned them. And, I fretted about Purpose, and Identity, and Self Worth. And, I’ve learned, it’s all okay. You can compost them.
Dreams, like Nature, are regenerative. I’ve learned that by accepting when a dream dies, accepting that fallow space in myself, forgiving any mistakes or missteps along the way, that I then have room again for something new when it comes along. And, sometimes that something new takes seemingly forever to appear, but it does.
So, I encourage you, acknowledge and keep acting on your dreams, too. Our lives are our gardens.
